Accepting the new normal in a pandemic

Most of us are familiar with Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief. In short, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance are all emotions that you may experience when there is death or loss.

Of course, there is the known loss due to Covid — the loss of loved ones, the loss of jobs, the loss of homes, and many other extreme and painful things. I’m not qualified to speak about these topics, and I am extremely sorry if this has happened to you.

I’d also like to acknowledge that I’m starting from a good place. I have a stable home, a stable job, and have a neurotypical brain. I know this is not the case for everyone.

In this post I will be focussing on the less obvious loss, the loss of your known way of life. I live in Perth, Western Australia, one of the most remote cities in the world — you might not have heard about how we are dealing with Covid — we are in lock down (like for real) and have been for two going on three years. Nobody comes in; Nobody goes out — well you can leave, but you probably won’t get back in. The lock down has been ok — We’ve been able to leave our homes, see local family, go to events, and live a somewhat normal life. The Covid death toll is low (9 deaths), and for the most part jobs, income, and housing have not been affected.

So, what does the five stages of grief look like for someone that hasn’t really lost anything — not tangible anyway?

Denial

When Covid first hit I don’t think any of us thought it would last. I gave it six months tops, then 12, then 2 years…and now I have no clue when it will end.

Anger

Once it became clear that we were in it for the long haul the feelings we might have been denying began to surface. On the extreme side there were riots and rallies, and on a less extreme side there were rants, low tolerance, and unrest.

Bargaining

Bargaining is often a negotiation with ourselves to give us some sense of control. In 2021 we saw the rise of The Great Resignation, also known as the Big Quit — an economic trend in which employees voluntarily resigned from their jobs en masse. I believe this to be a form of bargaining. We said to ourselves, ‘I’ll be all right if…’ or we looked for things we could control or change — where we worked was the easiest thing to change — especially as more job opportunities became available as more people resigned from their jobs.

Depression

I was talking to my most upbeat friend (she has a unicorn tattoo for goodness’ sake) the other day and she mentioned that 2022 was the first year that she wasn’t excited about anything, had no plans (outside of work), and had nothing fun to look forward to. So, if this can happen to someone with the sunniest of dispositions, I’m assuming that we are all feeling depressed/goalless at this point.

Moving to Acceptance

So how can we transition from Denial, Anger, Bargaining and Depression to Acceptance?

Well, the first step in solving any problem is recognising there is one. I think if you can reflect on how you’ve been dealing with the loss of your pre-covid-life, and then make an active plan to create your post-covid-life, you should be able to move out of grief and into Acceptance.

The technology advancements that we have seen due to the pandemic have been incredible. I work in IT so my experiences might be different to yours. Not only can I work from home, but it is encouraged. My hours are flexible(ish). I can pretty much do what I want when I want. I can buy what I want when I want. I can learn what I want when I want. I can exercise how I want when I want. I can see who I want when I want. The small print…I can’t (and probably don’t want to) leave my house.

The new normal

I think a post-covid-life is our new normal. We will never go back to the way things were, so we should stop trying to recreate what we had then, with what we have now. For example: working in blocks of 9–5 seems weird and working Monday to Friday also seems weird. As long as you achieve the same amazing outcomes, and you aren’t blocking anyone from creating amazing outcomes, it shouldn’t matter when or where you work.

With that in mind, it is time to make lemonade and take ‘work life balance’ to the next level. Instead of using our time for extrinsic things (holidays, fame, praise, money) it’s time to look inwards at your mind, body, and soul.

Mind

The number of courses that are available online are bigger and better than ever. If you no longer need to abide by the old time guards you can learn so many new skills whenever you want. The time you once spent near the water cooler can now be reallocated to expanding your mind. I’m currently completing a short course at RMIT. I’m also learning the piano, how to draw, and how to sew. My mind cup is full. I am lucky to work for a company that gives me time to study and pays for my (work related) courses. Most companies are doing this now, and if they don’t, you should ask for it…you’ve got nothing to lose…especially if you are about to resign.

Body

I found where they hid the cakes during the pandemic. I guess I thought we’d go back to normal soon enough…and my stretchy pjs certainly weren’t going to say anything. So, if this is the new normal and you can do what you want, when you want(ish), then you should be able to do that online work-out class at 11am…heck, block the time out in your weekly calendar so you can do it on the regular. I’m a fan of Apple’s Fitness+, but there are so many great options out there.

I also start and leave work early — so I can now go to the beach during Perth’s hot summer instead of commuting during it.

Soul

This one is a little trickier — from a simplistic point of view — if you work on meaningful things your soul should be filled. Here are a few ways to do this:

• Volunteer. You can absolutely donate your time, but what might be better is if you donate time and your special set of skills. Last year I supported a structurally disadvantaged businesswoman with her online strategy. I was lucky as my work gives me time throughout the year to volunteer — If you don’t have this you should ask for it.
• Fix it. I am hired to help businesses with their digital ecosystem problems. A growing trend that I am starting to see is a need to fix what is broken. Companies are cleaning house. I think now more than ever, businesses are open to change, especially if there is a return on investment or reduction in staff turnover. If something is not working: create a plan, propose a change, and then make that change. IDEOU have some great tips on how to do this…you can apply this method around the home also ;) .
• Target it. Most people want to work for a company that makes the world a better place. If you can make or suggest a change, that benefits that want, do it. In ’22 my team are actively looking for businesses that make the world better. We want people to be excited to come to work…. even if coming to work means moving from the bedroom to the living room.

The waiting place

One of my favourite childhood books was Dr. Seuss’ ‘Oh the places you’ll go’ — seems ironic to me now. In that book Dr. Seuss writes about the waiting place and how awful it is — to just wait. That is exactly what the last two years have been and I don’t see anything changing back soon, nor do I really want it to…not fully anyway. Travel yes! Old ways of working — meh, not so much.

Stop waiting for life to return to normal. This is the new normal. Make it work for you.

Hope this helps. :)

Special thanks to:

Photo by Alec Douglas on Unsplash

Photo by Cristian Tarzi on Unsplash

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash